I was thinking about intentional community…which lead to me meditating on the process of intent:

Intentionality is to life as micro-organisms are to the soil. 

Our intent in the decisions we make is comparable to the function of mycelium in the compost pile. Mycelium is a fungal web of life that works as a dream catcher that absorbs nutrients and helps in the breaking down process, enabling the plants to properly assimilate the properties in the soil.

Our intents are heavily influenced by the things we have chosen to believe about ourselves. I see intentions like a fungal web, a family tree of interconnected thoughts. When making a decision, we visit this web of intention of ours and pick from it an age old truth or lie that we believe. This is beautiful, because the option of truth or lie exists, we have full authority over our decisions. On the other hand, if we are not intent-conscious, we can choose to believe lies by default.  In this case, we no longer exist, only the lies within us.

I’m back in Florida.

I currently feel stretched. Not physically but the feeling one gets when pulled at emotionally from multiple levels simultaneously.

On a lighter note: my friend Charles told me today that cobras have infested the beach. He saw a mother and a baby, which means there are hundreds of them slithering around. It’s only a matter of time before it becomes a Florida epidemic. Unfortunately, the media won’t cover it. They don’t want to cause a panic. Can you imagine what would happen if all the snow birds found out there’s a cobra infestation on the beach? Sarasota would cease to exist and the only thing that would be left to remind us of her would be less traffic and a surplus of unused rental cars. Surprisingly, I’m okay with this. I can get use to cobras.

One foot at a time. Pace yourself. There are few immediate decisions. Breath steadily.

I love living in the garden. I mean that both metaphorically and physically. The garden I step into in the morning is never the same garden i stepped into the previous day. Neither am I the same person today as I was yesterday. Things might look the same, but the microbial and spiritual aspects are forever evolving and growing, dieing and being reborn again. 

I have so many ideals on how I think things should be. And because of this, I am actively involved in life. But if I let these ideals rule me, it will be near impossible to slow down and smell the passionfruit or watch the carpenter bees drill holes in the rotten logs along the garden path. It is so easy to get wrapped up in projects/work and miss the beauty of this world.

I’m thinking about dedicating this blog to gardening tips. Revolution starts in the heart, and the garden cultivates the heart more then anything I know.

Physical limitations are very humbling for me. I’m young, I should be able to walk long distances without a cane for support. As my mind wraps around what is, there is no such thing as “what should be”. Things just are.

It’s funny how we think we know things. We have this wonderful ability to believe in things we know nothing about. The problem is that we don’t stop forming ideas about these things. Our biggest fault is trying to understand.

There’s a flame inside me that I have learned to rely on. Although it’s about as logical as Arthur pulling the Excalibur out of an ancient stone, it’s power is far greater.

Three years ago I chose to link arms with a man that loves G-d. The flame inside him burns with a radiance which is contagious in the most beautiful way. 
I was living in a closet in his house. One morning as I crawled out of my closet, he came out of his room with a look of anguish on his face. He said he hadn’t heard G-d’s voice in the last few days. That statement changed my life. I had never heard G-d’s voice before, and at the time couldn’t even fathom the thought of crying about it. The wild fire that was in that man ignited a part of me, and my life hasn’t been the same since that conversation. 

That year, a simple closet turned into a monastery. 
I embarked on a journey of voluntary poverty and a life of serving. this path has been the most difficult but rewarding decision of my life. 

So here I am. Three years later, living on a cocoa farm in Papaikou, Hawaii. What started as a labor trade/skill share quickly evolved into a close knit friendship with four wonderful people.
So far, our experience here has strengthened and renewed my vision. 

My current live changing revelations:

• Conflict resolution starts in my own heart. 
• Love is unconditional and outweighs everything. 
• Life is but a breath. 
• Solitude is soulfood.
• Happiness comes from a thankful and listening heart.
• Living in community is the only answer to true vulnerability and relationship.

To be continued…

I want to tell you something, It might sound a little morbid.

Ever since my brother died, I had always imagined what I would do if someone next to me was dying. Usually it was me taking a bullet for a good friend or saving one of my siblings from some unknown harm. I just wanted to protect people, and because of that, I created horrible scenarios in my head. I found myself thinking about such things too often. So I blocked them out for years.

This Saturday I finally experienced this. A new friend and I decided to go camping for the weekend in Pololu Valley, Hawaii. Our destination was two hours away and an hour hike down a cliff-face. When we finally got down into the valley and set up camp I noticed my friend acting odd, as if he was on speed.
Long story short, he ended up having four epileptic seizures. With the first one, he stepped into the fire pit. Fortunately I was close enough to dive towards him and tackle him on the other side of the pit. Frantically brushing coals off of him that were melting into his feet and doing my best to keep him on his side. The seizure lasted for about 45 seconds. The seizure let up and after his final twitch and no pulse, I thought I lost him. Then he gasped for air and started breathing again. I laid next to him until he woke up in a panic, disillusioned and not remembering who I was or where we were. This continued to happen three more times until I was finally able to coax him into the tent to “get some rest”. (In my mind, the tent was the only safe place for me to leave him while i ran for help).
His situation was only getting worse. I made sure his breathing and pulse was stable, grabbed my headlamp, zipped up the tent and ran up the cliff to get help. I got in his jeep and drove to the nearest house to use a phone (by this time it was 3:00am). Within an hour of the phone call a chopper landed in the valley and flew him out. Leaving me there to replay the scenario over and over again.

I left out a lot of details seeing that the whole ordeal went on for several hours.
The truth is, I felt completely helpless and was in total shock. I don’t think I have ever actually screamed out for G-d’s help before. I tried to hold my composure but my emotions were all over the place. Once again, it made me realize how fragile we are, and how little control we actually have.

He’s doing a little better. The seizures were triggered by a severe nervous breakdown. Fortunately, the 3rd degree burns were limited to his left foot.

I have a feeling that this experience will have a pretty big impact on both of our lives.

I have been thinking about thinking. The repitition of thought patterns can be a little disturbing, and overwhelming. Here’s an interesting aspect of thinking, try thinking without a timetable. The majority of our thoughts will be subject to time, be it past or future.
The mind is a wonderful tool. That is all it is. It shouldn’t define us. When we let it define us, it drives us mad. We start saying things like; “I can’t stop thinking about you” or “I can’t stop thinking about it”. This is not normal conversation talk. These are red flags. This is the mind taking over. Taking us out of the present moment and carrying us into a life that either hasn’t happened yet, or into the past full of memories that keeps us bound like a prisoner. By this point, it has turned into an instinctual monster and will devour the weak.

Jesus is pretty clear about what we should not be thinking about. If you were to take these three verses and live by them, what would your thoughts be about?

“Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” -Luke 9:62

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” -Matthew 6:25

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6:34

If you are like me, those three verses probably just wrecked your thought patterns.

• Don’t let the past define you.
• Don’t let the future stress you.
• Just BE.

Control is an illusion. We never had it, and we never will.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Balance: an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. 

When we seek balance, in reality we seek G-d. All too often we switch it around and make it; when we seek G-d in reality we seek balance.

If we do not discern the order in which we approach this, the pursuit of balance becomes our god and we let the extremes of our past define our present emotions. Thus dictating our decisions. Balance becomes something we believe we can obtain by attempting to control the scale. The pursuit of balance is a symptom of fear.

The reality is this; when we pursue the life of Jesus Christ, balance becomes a result, not a symptom.
The life of Jesus Christ is the ultimate call to be vulnerable. Putting our life in His hands so that He might give it back to us more abundantly.

We were created to be extreme. Don’t let balance become a safety net. (note that I didn’t say “extremists”)